Originally Posted 2/9/15
I've been bugging my husband for a year to write this blog. However, he's been busy - working on his master's degree, leading our oldest son's Cub Scout den and working full time to support our family of seven takes up a lot of time. We finally sat down and had a formal conversation (and by formal I mean in our pajamas on our couch eating nachos) about the topic so that I could take notes and write the blog myself. Here goes nothin'!!
I think his thoughts are pretty compelling considering that he is not the "birthy" kind of husband you expect to see when you watch homebirth videos. He does not do blood. He does not do placentas. He was a big fan of the show Nip-Tuck, but would close his eyes during surgical scenes. And somehow, he still loved our homebirth.
1. Intimacy - He actually used that word - intimacy! The feel of the birth was just a lot more loving in nature than what we had experienced at our hospital births. There was more gentleness and an emphasis on the relationships of our family. The clinical aspect was there, but muted. Our memories include more about love and adding to our family than blood pressures and IV placement, which had been our previous experiences.
2. No Scary Machines - He laughed when I wrote those words, but they were his! We don't think hospital machines are scary, but probably because we've seen them enough times that we're just desensitized to them. The machines in a hospital can be intimidating and can make you feel like something is going to go wrong... because something MUST be going wrong if we need all the "scary machines".
3. Familiar Surroundings - Instead of a foreign room with "scary machines" we were in our own surroundings... our own habitat. I was able to labor in the same bed where the baby was made. It was familiar. On our birth plan, my husband had a honey-do list. Seriously, that was his job - work on the honey-do list. Because we were in our own home, he could do things he was confident in doing which we had discussed and agreed upon beforehand.
4. Familiar Faces - In addition to being in our own familiar environment, my husband also enjoyed the fact that we were working with familiar people who we had previously met on multiple occasions. There was no worry about whether or not we would have a nice nurse or if our doctor was on call or not. We knew ahead of time who would be in the room and had built trusting relationships with them. Having a midwife and a doula was awesome!
5. Quiet & Calm - My husband liked that there was limited talking and if there was talking, it was to us. This supported our sense of ownership over the process. Things were calm and we were in control. At the hospital it had felt like there was a room full of people talking loudly about what they were going to do to us to one another - we weren't really included in discussions among the nurses as they worked together, so we felt more disconnected.
6. Convenient - He really loved the fact that he didn't have to load a car, prepare childcare or drive a moaning fat lady to the hospital (don't worry, I called myself a moaning fat lady - he knows better). Everyone came to US! Clean up had been a concern for him, but that was also conveniently taken care of by our birth team - he was so relieved!
7. Sleeping in Our Own Bed - It may sound silly, but this was actually the number one favorite part for both of us. We often reminisce about how great it was that we got to snuggle with each other the night our baby was born. Being able to lay in bed together was wonderful - to actually be able to hold each other close (without a giant belly between us) while we were coming down from an Oxytocin induced birth high is something we'll both cherish forever. And we slept so great. No interruptions. Just us and our baby and sweet sleep!
Have you considered homebirth, and if so, what are your husband's thoughts? If you've already had a homebirth, what did your husband think about the experience?