Originally Posted 11/7/2014
Okay folks. Something is really bothering me today and about any other day I’m on my Facebook. I know, I know - I need to just get off – distance myself that this universe of everyone sharing their opinions. But, alas, I’m on it regularly because I’m a stay at home mom and it’s one of my only connections with the outside world.
I keep seeing posts that are gradually making me want to gouge my eyes out with a grape-fruit spoon. If you understand that reference to Sons of Anarchy, look me up on Facebook, we could be friends.
This blog isn’t about whether or not I spend too much time on Facebook. I do, so I’m not even gonna argue that point. This is about the new trend of each and every freaking mom, including MYSELF (I've come to terms with the fact that I'm a self-conscious crazy person), thinking someone is shaming us because we did something different in the parenting world.
Seriously, this idea of the mom shaming crap is pretty much the new “Did you just call me fat?” conversation.
Woman: I’m so excited for our anniversary dinner. I think I’m going to wear my blue dress.
Man: I really think you look hot in the red one.
Woman: What’s wrong with the blue one? Does it make me look FAT? Did you just call me FAT???
Holy crap. No, he did not just call me fat, but because I’m really harsh on myself and super self-conscious about my appearance, I completely manipulated that conversation into him calling me fat. When in fact, he did nothing of the sort.
I think us women do this in MANY other situations!! Whether it’s the food we feed our family, our job (or lack of) or the way we birth our babies – we are ALWAYS on the defense about our choices.
Woman: I’m so excited to meet my baby. I can’t wait for induction day!
Woman’s Friend (probably on Facebook): Eeeek! I’m so excited for you! Have you thought about waiting for labor to start on its own?
Woman: What’s wrong with induction? Is it a BAD decision? Are you calling me a BAD mom???
AGAIN, holy crap! No, she did not just call me a bad mom, but because I’m really harsh on myself and super self-conscious about motherhood, I completely manipulated that conversation into her calling me a bad mom. When in fact, she did nothing of the sort.
Ladies, we need to stop jumping to conclusions and thinking that people are shaming us when all they are doing is having a conversation that includes their *GASP* opinion. We all know what opinions are like and how everyone’s got one. This is NOTHING new. Are there jerk-bag men out there flat out calling their woman fat? Yes, and they’re jerk bags. We should dump them and find someone who’ll treat us nicer. Are there ass-hat women out there who flat out call other women bad moms? Yes, they are ass-hats. We should have a friend-break-up and find a MORE supportive friend.
My point: when faced with a decision – red dress or blue dress? OR induction or spontaneous labor? -make your decisions with love, and take the information and opinion of other with a grain of salt (add a shot of tequila if necessary). Try on both dresses and see how you feel. Read some books to find out if induction is right for you. Maybe it is and maybe it isn't. But make your decisions with love and do what you feel is right for YOU.
You're still probably going to have some kind of guilt, because that's what moms do - we put ourselves on guilt trips ALL.THE.TIME. Because we're women, which according to my husband, makes us crazy. Don't worry, he says it with love which makes it okay, okay?
And if someone is *REALLY * shaming you, then delete them from your Facebook.